


The Moment I Saw You

by LionWBunnyTaeth



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Boarding School, Diary/Journal, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Major Illness, Misunderstandings, Roommates, Self-Hatred, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 14:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17624129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionWBunnyTaeth/pseuds/LionWBunnyTaeth
Summary: I wanted to be closer to you, wanted to be hold by you, I want to take the place she have in your heart,I want to be your loveBut I'm so tired to give up or keep going---------Taeyang understood that life is colorful while Rowoon understood that his feelings are needed.





	The Moment I Saw You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work of SF9 which I uploaded on AO3. So please spare me. I'm sorry for the grammer mistakes and misspelling because I'm simply lazy to proof read for the second time. Anyway read it and complain bout it on the comments!

"you look like familiar, do you know me? "   
a high pitched girl's voice boomed in the tiny room of a hostal.   
She stared at him and he stared back at her, no words exchanged and a familiar rush of a wind passed them with a buzz. The curtains dances and the door creeks and the girl's stare jumped to her friend, questioning.

. . . . . . 

"listen, I have a rule that you haveto accept whether you like it or not as you are my roommate. my girl should be allowed to come into this room whenever she wants, got it? "

Rowoon's voice weighed heavily on the air as it went without an answer. Taeyang stared at him, and nodded before continuing to write something on his diary.

It was a new year, new grade, new friends and new dorms to share and smile. The cold of the January and the breeze of the January has made their skin tingle with wanting warmth. They stared at the darkening sky through a half closed window wishing to have someone beside them to share the warmth. 

. . . . . . 

Days passed, weeks passed, months passed and came August. Its hot, so hot that a drop of a sweat fell down his forehead as he hurriedly tidied the room. His roommate, Rowoon has went to a party last night and came with a drunken face. He could not understand him yet he want to understand him for he care about him and maybe a word of love can be hidden in his mind that is so crowded by thoughts he hates. 

He, Taeyang looked over to the other side of the room which belong to Rowoon. Its been eight months since they become roommates and half a year since his heart fluttered for the innocent smile of Rowoon. He wished to talk with him, to laugh with him, to go out with him, maybe be more than a friend to him but he can't as he never had even uttered a word to Rowoon. He is scared, he knew, to talk. he is scared, to be a burden. He is scared, for people always get in trouble because of him. He is scared, to confess Rowoon, for he has a girlfriend. He clarified it the day they first become roommates  
'my girl....'

Taeyang took a breath, a heavy one while closing his eyes, closing his tears, closing his heart which yearned to be loved. He took a step towards the other side of the room and quickly tidied that side too before walking to his desk, grabbing his pill bottle and leaving to the bathroom. 

'my girl' who is Rowoon's best friend since they were toddlers peeked at the room before entering it. She saw Taeyang tidying the room and she knew Rowoon went to grab a coffee for his hangover. She quickly went to Rowoon's side and opened his draws, looking for one particular pendant. "Ureka" she whispered while taking it and leaving quietly as she came. 

while in the bathroom, Taeyang opened the bottle and looked down at the pills thinking why he is drinking them. He knew he is ill and what he took. but he doesn't know what he has, as he never listen to the doctor but he knew he is going to die sooner or later because his doctor akways tell that word, but who cares right?. something looks strange, he knew. The pills in the bottle has increased but he doesn't know how. 

he didn't take medicine yesterday but how, but when, but,but,but...

Thousand buts ringed in his head and that's annoying so he drinks maybe two? three? but he knows he should only take two, even if not who cares. His parents had died not long ago and he is working his ass off to buy pills and he tries his brain hard to study but what can he do if he is dumb as hell. There are countless times his mind supplies that he should give up but he is too tird to even give up.

He opened the door and sat on his chair, facing the window and pen in his hand and started writing.

. . . . . . 

Rowoon thanked the cashier and smiled at the young girl before walking out the cafe with a coffee in his hand. He bought three, drank two in the shop and one in hand drinking now. He felt better than this morning and he took slow steps to their hostal. one step, two step, three steps and he saw a board infornt of him with large letters that shows

"PHARMACY" 

he looked away and looked back at it, a particular incident displaying before his eyes now.

 

...... FLAHSBACK.......

'where is it? where is it? where, where, whereeeeeeeee????????'   
his mind screams at him and he hurried to look for his assignment which is due today. His class starts in fifteen minutes and he can't find it. He remembered he put it somewhere on his desk but he cant find it. He already called his best friend asking if she saw but nothing and he is frustrated. 

He sighed angrily and stood up looking around the room to spot a place to search for and his mind catchs a desk, a desk that belong to Taeyang. He know he should not inward but he need his assignment, yes that's why! and Taeyang is not here now anyway.

Rowoon walked to the desk and carefully looks through the neatly placed books. one, two, three, nothing. He opened the first drawer and found more books and a bottle of pills. he dismiss them and opened the next drawer, '  
'ha there are files, maybe he misplaced mine?'   
he thought and opened the first file and the file read in big black latters,

"SEOUL NATIONAL HOSPITAL"  
Patient: Yoo Taeyang  
Age:   
Illness:  
guardian:   
Address:   
Tele No.: 

so on, his eyes widened and turned the next page. His face paled as he read through the context, his mind catching the words Surgery and Death and Medicine. He looked at the bottom to see a blank place beside the 

"I agree to do the surgery"  
............... (patient: Yoo Taeyang)

if possible his face paled more as he realised that he had not sighened the papers. 

A heavy wind passed through him and the window loudly bumped in the rails and the school bell rang loudly. The birds chipped loudly and the pill bottle fell. He gulped and stacked the files neatly, searched the name of the pills and went to his class without a word.

his assignment long forgotten.

......END OF THE FLASHBACK......

 

Rowoon grimaced, remembering the incident. He wonderes if he sighend them, he looked at the pharmacy again and sighed. He went inside it bought a new packet of the said pill, to fill the pill bottle once it is over. 

After spending a month or two with the boy, Rowoon has grown to like him. Even though they never talked, even though there is always a space between them he has grown to like him. Maybe it is his behaviour, maybe the soft hum, maybe he has a pity on him. but after more time passed he came to know that it is not a pity but a crush. He remembers the first time he thought of kissing him, it's in mid June and he knew since then that the tiny crush grown to a bigger mess that he can't even go by a day without seeing him. 

But sometimes he wonder if his thoughts are unwanted. 

. . . . . . .

Taeyang flinched a bit, Rowoon's 'My girl' entered the room. He wondered why she came, since Rowoon had not still returned. He looked over at her, she begin messing with his drawers. And Taeyang's mind started messing up with thoughts. 

He knew Rowoon is lucky, to have a girlfriend like her. he saw them laughing and giggling together,eating ice cream. They were never apart from each other. He is happy that Rowoon is happy but he sometimes wishes thst the one is laughing with Rowoon is him, he knows he is selfish but he want, need to be happy too. 

He jumped a bit as he head the door creek open and sounds of steps entered his eyes. 

"oh Hyemi, you are here?" he heard Rowoon speak while taking his shoes off. He didn't turn back to look at Rowoon, sat there and watched helplessly at his book.

"Yes I'm here and do you know why I'm here!?"   
oh. she sounds angry  
"no? "   
Rowoon is confused  
"because you have freaking lost my Pendant Rowoon, You know how important is it to me. it is my mom's and she freaking died! I gave it to you because I treasure you! I thought you are my best friend, thought you are such a good guy but I think you are not huh?!!- "

"Hyemi, hey calm down. I put it on the last drawer. it might be there, I didn't tidy it"  
Rowoon's voice is growing confusion and maybe Taeyang is a bit scared. He caught the word 'bestfriend' he thought they were a 'couple' but this, this is a mess

"calm down? are you telling me to freaking calm down?! I texted you that I'm coming to get it but you didn't reply! ha! you know that you lost it right! why aren't you replying why aren't you answering!? tell me Rowoon!"  
Her voice is filled with anger but sometimes it breaks in sorrow. In a corner of his eyes he saw a pained expression in her face tingling with confusion, hatred and despair.   
but a thought came into the way of Taeyang's mind.

'Did I throw it away when I was tidying the room? '

"Hyemi-"  
"Do Not Hyemi me! this is over Rowoon, whatever we had is over and you are not my best friend anymore! I don't need you I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! " 

she screamed in top of her lungs in the beginning but like a broken record her voice disappear in the end. She whispered in the end and rushed passed Rowoon, Taeyand, door and out the hostals. Since the first time Taeyang saw her, she was always smiling, always and this is the first time she cried. Maybe because of something he doesn't know. Maybe because of him.

Taeyang's hand trembled and he took a breath to calm himself but he flinched and the breath got stuck as Rowoon's voice boomed in the tiny room.

"You are the one who did this right? the room is clean and neat and that means you did it! why did you do it!? why are you such a trouble? why are you such a burden?- "

'trouble,burden, trouble,burden, trouble, burden, trouble, burden' 

"- if you so much want to tidy this you should have done yours. Do not touch other things which is not yours! she is my bestie and you destroyed it! "

he felt hands, grabbing his colar, making him stand. he felt suffocating. the one who he wished to be holded is now holding him, but in a completely opposite reason. he wanted him to hold him in love but in this very moment he is holding in such anger that his eyes are red, angry, hatred and he cowered in fear like child in punishment. he can't breath.

"why are you so arrogant that you won't open your mouth huh? do you think so high of yourself? you have nothing, got it?! ANSWER ME!! " 

He screamed and he flinched, he pushed him away and he bumped into the desk. It hurts. He looked at him and he turned around and stomped out the door closing it in such force that it jumped back. He fell to the chair and he felt numb, because,

"trouble, 

burden,

have nothing, 

have nothing,

have nothing, 

arrogant,

arrogant,

trouble,

burden,

nothing 

trouble,

burden,

have nothing, 

have nothing,

have nothing, 

arrogant,

arrogant,

trouble,

burden,

nothing "

Taeyang sat back on his chair, looked down at his book but this time his veiw is blocked with unshed tears.

. . . . . . 

Rowoon is angry, he knew that and he shouted at Taeyang, he knew that. He knew that he let out his anger with screaming at Taeyang. He looks scared. He wants to take back those words but he is also angry.  
' Why did he do that. It is his pace and he should not interfere. '  
He cursed at himself and sat on the hallway. Thinking why he would run after her when he is not at fault. so he sat and looked ahead. From a creek of the door he saw Taeyang, writing, like nothing happened. He cursed at Taeyang. 

'Writing, writing always writing, he is crazy! after all of this he is writing! freaking writting! I want to punch his face so hard- '

he clenched his fist and sighed. He felt pity on the boy, his feelings supplying that maybe he didn't do that. maybe he, himself misplaced it. but, but even thought he likes him they have nothing between them but she is his best friend. He did something wrong to his best friend but he is pitying on him, he wants to scream, to punch and get a reply from that damn boy but he sat. on the floor. staring at Taeyang. Who is writing. He felt Uneasy.

. . . . . . 

Taeyang is writing and he knew it is wrong. He should apologize but he can't, he is tired. Tired of everything, everyone. Tired of waiting for others. He want to apologize but he cant, he is scared to face Rowoon, for he did wrong. He wants to apologize, he wants to cry, he wants to let his feelings out so he wrote and wrote. But no feelings come out and he is tried, tired of being a Trouble,Burden,Nothing,Arrogant. 

but he is not tired this time to give up.

He took his pill bottle and stood. Closed his dairy, put his pen beside the book. Looked at his desk and looked through the window at the sky, at those sky reaching buildings, he knows he is not tired so he turned around and walked.

walked passed the door, passed the Rowoon, passed the hallway, passsed the staircase and he doesn't know what he passed anymore.

. . . . . . 

'after everything he walked out nothing happened' 

Rowoon's mind supplied.

'wait- isn't that his pill bottle, what! '

Rowoon's eyes widened but he didn't do anything. Just sat there and looked at the disappearing figure of a Taeyang. 

After sometime, maybe a minute, two, three. he stood up and went inside the room. His eyes caught the book. The book he always saw but never saw. He always saw Taeyang writing on it, but he never saw it when Taeyang is not writing, so its surprising. He know he should not interfere but his curious is high on his mind. He took long steps to the desk of Taeyand and put his hand on the book.

*vibrate* 

he cussed when his phone vibrates. he sighed and opened it and saw a text from Heymi. His eyes widened and he opened it. A sudden heavy breeze ruffled his hair like Hyemi always did.   
'don't be late'   
the text read. he doesn't understand. he looked down at the book and up at the phone.

Hyemi or Taeyang? 

. . . . . .

Last year, between the cold and rain in the November Taeyang sat on the bench under a bus stop. Heavy rain hitting the ground while making a buzz in his ears. As the bus came he stood up to get on it quickly, but a hand stops him and he was going to turn around when a book was pressed into his hand and he looked at it. He thanked the girl and the god that he didn't miss it, if he did his life will be over. Because that was his diary.

a book fell over Hyemi's legs as the boy beside her stood up. She crouched to pick it up but here eyes widen with what she saw,

the book was filled with her best friend's photos.

she blinked and quickly handed the book over to the boy.   
maybe that's why he looked familiar.   
maybe that's why her pendant got lost.

. . . . . . 

or both?

Rowoon sighed and put the phone beside the book and opened it. 

He gasped and His eyes widened and his face paled with what he saw. He turned the next page. and then the next. then next. next. next.next.next.   
His breath hitched as he understood what the book is filled with.

He never knew he had been captured in thousands of photos by Taeyang but

that make Rowoon's heart sped up. 

His hand swept and the pages turned and stopped in the last page. There was letters, words, writtings and he gasped as he read over one by one.

"The Moment I Saw You, I think I fell in love. My mind never shut about you after I saw you. Rowoon, I desired to talk to you one day, to hold your hand one day, to kiss you one day for I loved you, for I love you, for I'll love you forever. I'm sorry if I ever did something wrong but promise me, you will never forget about me?   
I am not tired anymore, thank you <3 "

He,Rowoon felt tears, in his eyes and gasped catching breath and dashed to find Taeyang. 

He now understand the text.   
He now understand the book.

He now understand that his thoughts are not unwanted but needed.

. . . . . .

He bumped into a student and he asked him whether he saw Taeyang and he showed a direction. He ran towards the direction, he feet stomping on the ground, squeaking sometimes, but his heart beat beats louder by the second and he saw him.

He,Taeyang stood near the railing in the rooftop, pills in his hand. looking at them. counting them. shuting out the world. he think there are twenty pills there. but he is not sure. he secures them in his hand. his mind supplies  
'good,drink it. stop being being unwanted burden'  
so he put them in his mouth and gulp-

He felt a slap and the pills ran out his mouth to the floor. He doesn't know who slapped him but he know, he should drink them so he crouched down trembling but before he could get them in his hands he was yanked upright and grabbed by the shoulders. 

and suddenly he was pulled into a crushing hug.

"don't do that" someone whispered. he knew that is not his mind, he knew that voice, he knew, he knew, he knew but he can't remember. 

suddenly he was pulled away by the hug, he felt sad as the warmth left. but he saw a face but it was not cleared. he blinked. it cleared 

"..yang, Taeyang hey, look at me" 

"hmm "

he hummed in acknowledge and he heard a 

"oh thank god.... "   
the voice disappear. 

suddenly he felt everything, he remembered everything. Pills,Dying,Rowoon,Talking,

oh Rowoon.

"I love you Taeyang"   
Rowoon whispered.

'me? he loves me? me ? love?'

His eyes widened and looked at Rowoon in overwhelming feelings and then 

He felt a soft pair of lips on his own.

and maybe fireworks sparks behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the story. Please comment and leave kudos! Thank you! Construction criticism is always open to say but pls dont be rude. Anyway have a good night/day fantasies!!


End file.
